Gender Affirming Therapy for Teens
We Support Non-Binary Teens
It’s no fun feeling like a misfit. Like my friend Erin*, who always felt uncomfortable in a dress when they were forced to wear one, anxiously waiting to change back into jeans and an oversized t-shirt. They meandered through their early years, not quite fitting in with girls, preferring to hang out with boys, but not fitting in there either. When they learned about non-binary identities, they quickly adopted she/they pronouns. Something they thought was wrong with them now had a name and they didn’t feel so alone anymore. Just the other day they confided in me, “I’m thinking of dropping ‘she’ – just ‘they/them’. That feels more like me.” I noticed a twinkle in their eye as they talked.
Leaning into your identity as a non-binary person can feel liberating.
You no longer carry the weight of trying to fit into somebody else’s idea of who you should be. But there is one problem – you live in a world that is often hostile toward the way you feel and express yourself. I mean, how many times do you have to explain that ‘they’ is a singular pronoun? And why is it such an unbearable burden for others to show a little respect and adjust their language in such a simple way? As somebody who identifies (or feels a yearning to identify) as non-binary, it is totally normal to have your own doubts, as well.
Feeling pulled in different directions can be distressing!
And this is on top of whatever other challenges you’re facing in your life. So the big question is: can therapy help?
We Support Trans Teens
I met Sky* and her parents at a support group. The first time Sky confided in her parents about gender or sexuality, she disclosed she was bi and her parents embraced her. Later she came out as non-binary and her parents were a little perplexed, struggled with they/them pronouns, but accepted her. Recently she came out as trans, with a name that finally felt like hers, and she/her pronouns. Sky’s mom cried for days, and her dad moaned about the loss of his son. Sky was visibly uncomfortable as she told this part of her story. But she let out a huff of frustration when her parents spoke up with the big kicker: she keeps changing her mind, so why should they take this latest “phase” seriously?
In the safety of the group, Sky was able to talk about her journey, about the series of small steps that felt safe to take. And now that she was well into puberty, coming out as trans could not wait any longer. She expressed that she was ready for a medical intervention, but not sure what. Was it too late for puberty blockers? When could she start hormones? Her parents were skeptical. Nothing felt stable to them. They urged her to wait until she was 18. Her body sunk as she contemplated that.
Many trans people face significant resistance to living as their true selves.
Your story may be very different, but I’d guess you’re facing your own hurdles. There are so many typically in the path: being misgendered, advocating to get the care you need, or even just feeing comfortable going into a bathroom. And the world feels so hostile right now to your very existence, even in the relative safety of California. It’s no wonder you’re not feeling great!
But how can therapy help?
Can you feel better when the world around you sometimes feels like a big shit show?
Well, first of all, adding a therapist to your support system, who unconditionally values all parts of you, has a positive impact on many people. And we can put your emotions to work for you, instead of trying so hard to repress them when they feel uncomfortable. Or in some cases, the work is to feel emotions again, by dealing with the trauma (big or small) that has made you numb to the world. We can’t make the world more welcoming (although we’re trying), but we can work together to walk through this world more authentically and more resilient.
Give us a call (714) 584-9018 or book a free consultation with affirming counselors Kylie or Mark.
*Fictional characters based on real people we have worked with.